I see thee hate the hand & the pen; but I am stronger.
The Djeridensis Comment
(10-11-12.) Mine Angel, Aiwass, watching me as I wrote down His words, saw with what rage I withstood His Spirit. For in my deepest conscious mind I held most firm the First Noble Truth proclaimed by Gautama Buddha "Everything is Sorrow"; and on this thought I had built up all my spirit and mind for many days. This Word of Aiwass therefore struck to the heart of my most earnest thought; and I hated the hand and the pen which wrote against my will, in service to His. For He was of force to subdue me, to make me obey Him, that His Word might be written and go forth unto men to utter the New Law.
The Old Comment
He was compelled to do so,
The New Comment
This compulsion was that of true inspiration. It was the Karma of countless incarnations of struggle towards the light. There is a sharp repulsion, physical and mental, toward any initiation, like that towards death.
The above paragraph states only a part of the truth. I am not sure that it is not an attempt to explain away the verse, which humiliates me. I remember clearly enough the impulse to refuse to go on, and the fierce resentment at the refusal of my muscles to obey me. Reflect that I was being compelled to make an abject recantation of practically every article of my creed, and I had not even Cranmer's excuse. I was proud of my personal prowess as a poet, hunter, and mountaineer of admittedly dauntless virility; yet I was being treated like a hypnotized imbecile, only worse, for I was perfectly aware of what I was doing.